A Forbidden Love in Marching Band
by Samyo
Summary: It was love at Pennington High School.Final chapter updated, is now finished. Read it, you know you want to. Please reveiw!
1. March in Step

Title: A Forbidden Love in Marching Band

Rating: PG

Genre: Humor, Musical

Disclaimer: I own nothing, I am small. Names have been changed to protect the owners' stupidity.

* * *

It was just another day at the Pennington High School Marching Band Camp. It was one of the last practices before regionals, the mongoose to their snake, the snake to their mongoose; they weren't that good with animals. Anyway, the band directors screamed, the band was on brink of rioting,

Little did they know that a secret, a forbidden love was brewing.

It all started when Franz Shah-la-la dropped her flags and when Tad came to help her. It was strange, for he was usually too busy smoking his tuba bong.

"Thank...you," she said in disbelief.

"You speak English?"

"Shush, don't let the color guard know! If they find out that I can speak English, I'll no longer be the feared, evil guard director, they'll come in the middle of the night with sabers and..." She started to cry.

"My real name is Jenny, I hate the name Franz Shah-la-la, I hate it." She was now hysterical.

"I don't care, I love you, Jenny."

Tad had secretly known the whole time and had grown to love her.

Suddenly, the color guard started doing stuff that wasn't in the show, then the marching band followed. Even the band directors joined in.

Yep, it was the start of a musical number.

* * *

"Never knew I could play like this.

Like I never went to class before.

I'd like to vanish, inside your flag.

Everyday I love you more than this.

Dynamics may change, piano to forte.

I love you, until we lose regionals."

"March in step, march in step. 

I will love you, until we lose regionals."

"Never knew I could twirl like this.

Like I've never held a flag before."

"And there's no visual, too hard.

No step, too wide.

Keep in time and I'll march right by your side.

Students may up rise, invitationals slip away."

"I love you."

"I love you."

"Until we lose regionals."

"March in step, march in step.

I will love you, until we lose regionals.

Oh march in step, march in step.

I will love you."

"I will love you.

Never knew I could twirl a flag like this."

"March in step, march in step.

I will love you, until we lose regionals."

* * *

They returned to their normal positions, band practice was normal again, if it ever was. But there was still a love, a love more splendid then everyone covering down.

* * *

Please reveiw.


	2. I Don't Like This Movement!

Thanks for the review, now I must continue.

* * *

It was the day before regionals, the marching band directors were, of course, giving the students of Pennington High School absolute hell. It was cold, wet, and extremely miserable. But then again, there was a secret love: but the risk of discovery was now greatly higher.

Weeks before, Prancer had given the creative responsibilities to Mr. Liter, and along with that Franz Shah-la-la was also in the bargain. For several days, she had been meeting marching band input meetings to be with her beloved Tad.

During the pasta lunch break, Prancer had spotted Franz Shah-la-la with Tad; he was furious.

"Franz Shah-la-la; do you know what could happen if you two were discovered together. All of the long, boring practices would be nothing; the Pennington High School band would be finished."

"Prancer, it's not what it seems. He's a tuba player; one who barely ever takes breaks from his tuba bong."

"I hope you are right, Jenny, or else I might have to tell the guard girls your real identity." Prancer walked away, leaving her in silence and cheers."

* * *

About thirty minutes later, practice resumed, and Tad suddenly, with no apparent reason (though he is the one who smokes a tuba bong), began to sing a song to his beloved Jenny.

_"I'm standing on the tower_

_The band's sound really sucks_

_I thought that you'd complain right now_

_It's really, really cold_

_People are falling down_

_I'm listening but the trumpets still have no sound"_

_"Isn't anyone trying to find me?_

_Won't somebody come take me home?"_

_"It's really, freakin cold_

_Trying to figure out if these forms are right_

_Won't you take me by the hand?_

_Take me to another band that's new_

_I don't know how you guard people twirl, but_

_I'm with you"_

_"I'm looking for the form_

_I'm searching for whoever's screwing it up_

_Does anyone have a clue about basics?_

_Cause nothings going right_

_Flags are being dropped_

_But I still love you somehow"_

_"Isn't anyone trying to find me?_

_Won't somebody come take me home?"_

_"It's really, freakin cold_

_Trying to figure out if these forms are right_

_Won't you take by the hand?_

_Take me to another band that's new_

_I don't know how you guard people twirl, but_

_I'm with you"_

"I don't like this movement," screamed Liter. One guard girl who broke her ankle the previous week had told Liter about the forbidden love. Prancer tried to reason with him.

"But I don't understand, you liked it las..."

"I don't care; it will be changed until I like it."

"Oh, Mr. Liter, I feel so ashamed about my colleagues," said Franz Shah-la-la in German which Liter was magically able to understand. "I find it quite appalling how we are treating you; you and your creative genius. How about you and I have a little creative input meeting tonight and find a movement that will suit you?"

Tad was about to boil over in anger inside.

* * *

"I don't want you to go to that creative input meeting tonight; I couldn't stand it."

Jenny kissed him and tried to reason. "But he could destroy everything, everything that we worked for."

"I don't care, I just don't." Tad was now crying on Jenny's shoulder. She tried to calm him.

_"March in step, march in step_

_I will love you_

_Until we lose regionals."_

* * *

_Please reveiw._

But Tad knew she had to; she had to do it in order to save the band.


	3. Tango de Marching Band

Shout Outs: Marching Band is a cult in itself, may I say no more. If you have somewhat noticed, this takes after the Moulin Rouge story line. There shall be laughter, and drama (though my friend Annie thinks my dramatic writing is freaking hilarious, but for this, it is suppose to be somewhat humorous).

* * *

It was now less than 24 hours till Pennington High School would perform at regionals; the band was truly in the hands of the marching band gods. All of the directors and band boosters were in the school cafeteria, waiting and drinking Mountain Dew, the marching band equivalent to alcohol.

They all stared at the clock anxiously, especially Tad. Franz Shah-la-la, Jenny to Tad, was away in the band room, less than 70 yards away, having the dreaded creative input meeting with Mr. Liter. He was filled with jealously, anger, and withdrawal symptoms for it had been several painful minutes since he last smoked his tuba bong. Corey, the dude that helped the drum line, broke the silence.

"Never get involved with an evil, German speaking guard directors; it always turns out bad!"

A piano magically appeared, one of the band booster people began to play, while another began to play the violin.

"Hey, this is marching band; the orchestra directed by the Canadian! Go be a orchestra booster!"

"Go burn in hell," the yelled in reply, "stupid Purdue fans, go Irish!"

Corey and Mr. Southern, for a freakishly, beyond gay reason, began to do the tango (and Mr. Southern was even wearing a black dress). Then, Corey began to sing the marching band version of "Tango de Roxanne."

* * *

_"Roxanne, you don't have to play that forte piano_

_Twirl your flag for judges points, you don't care if you suck or if you are right_

_Roxanne, you don't have to wear that awful costume tonight_

_Roxanne, you don't have to sell your show to the Friday night lights"

* * *

_

Tad had grown even more jealous (maybe he had a secret gay admiration for Mr. Southern and was jealous that he was dancing with Corey, and that he was wearing a dress).

* * *

_"His eyes, upon the sheet music_

_Your hand, twirling something_

_It's more than I can stand"_

_(Roxanne)_

_"Why does my tuba belch?"_

_(Roxanne)_

_"Embrasure I can't seem to get right_

_You're free to change the show, but just don't make it suck_

_And please, remember that I still do love it"

* * *

_

The song seemed to stop, but then Southern began to speak (I seriously now think something is going on between him and Corey). He did the worst thing he could do; he started saying his lame analogies.

* * *

_"Crescendos and decrescendos are not the same_

_One goes louder, the other goes softer_

_But it can't be sudden; it must grow_

_It's like petting you cat; you wouldn't step on it"

* * *

_

The room went quiet; Tad heard Jenny sing part of their secret song.

* * *

_"March in step, march in step_

_I will love you, until we lose regionals"

* * *

_

Mr. Liter, unfortunately, had heard these words.

"A secret love I see; I would hate for this to get out to the guard girls."

"No..." They would come to her house in the middle of the night, with sabers and...

"Hey, author; you could at least finish a sentence, but no, you have to do the multiple dot thingy." I make evil laugh...

"Why do I even bother," he said in a way which proved that I was superior.

"Please, Liter, I beg of you; don't hurt Tad."

"Don't worry I will."

The song began again, much to my dismay but to some sick man's pleasure.

* * *

_(Roxanne)_

_Why does my tuba belch_

_(You don't have to sell your show to the Friday night lights)_

_Embrasure I can't fight_

_(You don't have to wear that awful costume tonight)_

_(Roxanne)

* * *

_

Somehow, even Prancer jumped in.

* * *

_"Why does my heart cry"

* * *

_

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" screamed Tad.

* * *

_"Feelings I can't fight for..."_

_(Roxanne)

* * *

_

Corey pretended to kill Southern, though I doubt that it was coincident that Mr. Northern, lets just say, "groped" something. During all of this, Karny had rescued Jenny from Liter; she was safe, for now.

* * *

Please review. 


	4. Can We Be a Marching Band?

**Shout outs:**

**CuteButPsychoBunny:** The second song was the marching band version of Avril Lavigne's "I'm with You" which is on the CD "Let Go".

* * *

It was the morning of regionals, and Prancer was depressed, because Franz Shah-la-la, or Jenny, or I don't know was depressed. That morning, she would have to break up the forbidden love with Tad, and breaking up isn't exactly what I would call easy.

None of the band or guard people had arrived; Prancer and some band booster people were the only ones. Karny was at home watching videos about the proper way to breathe while having Mountain Dew shots (the marching band equivalent to tequila shots). Southern was at home vacuuming his house, for he had several cats that happened to turn into tigers and bears oh my, but more importantly they shed hair. Though I don't think it was coincidence, Corey was also there, making Lucky Charms for breakfast.

Liter, on the other hand, didn't have that good of a morning. Evidently, when Karny saved Jenny, he banged Liter on the head with the bell of his trumpet (which sadly dented the trumpet badly, which made Karny cry into the wee hours of the morning). He was also still upset about the fact that his creative input meeting was rudely interrupted.

Anyway, like anyone cares about the lesser band directors, Prancer was depressed. I know I said it was because Jenny was depressed, blah, blah, but maybe there was another reason. Did some chode steal his HBO? Did he hear slaughtered versions of the Barbie Song or Castle on a Cloud? Or maybe he thought his truck was sexy, but then someone said it wasn't.

For another strange event, though the way this story is going it is probably considered normal, some band boosters began to sew a curtain. In our show, there are no curtains; it's about math, not theatre. Then of course, Prancer began to sing.

* * *

_"Like a virgin…"

* * *

_

"What the hell," I scream very loudly, "that song isn't in this. If it was, it would have already happened." I swear to God, the man has been losing it lately.

"But I don't know the words to 'The Show Must Go On'."

For God's sake again, you think band directors would know it, for there are so many forbidden loves in marching band along with gay love affairs. Hey, did I just suggest something?

"Almighty author, the puppeteer of the show; may I do my marching band rendition of Pink's 'Family Portrait'?" God, he is such a moron; I made the band boosters sew a curtain for nothing.

"Fine, almighty village idiot that makes Bush seem like intelligent life."

* * *

_"Jenny, or Franz Shah-la-la…"

* * *

_

"Jesus," I scream again, "just say 'Jenny'."

* * *

_"Jenny please stop crying_

_I can't stand the sound_

_Your moaning is disrupting_

_My French horn's great sound_

_I hear your saber killing girls_

_As I watch in horror from the tower_

_I told the marching band gods you didn't mean those nasty things you said_

_You fight about the drills_

_And whether I should be fired_

_But this marching practice_

_The only thing in my life"_

_"It's not easy being a band director in WW3_

_Never knowing what love you'll need you see_

_I don't want love to destroy me like it has done my marching band"_

_"Can we work it out_

_Can we be a marching band_

_Promise I won't have long practice hours_

_Jenny I'll do anything_

_Can we work out_

_Can we be a marching band_

_Promise not to be OCD_

_Liter please don't leave"

* * *

_

Maybe Prancer was also having a secret gay love affair with liter, or maybe he realized that without Liter, he would be allowed to have the shows he wanted (which isn't a good thing). Anyway, back to this horrific song.

* * *

_"Liter please make them stop sucking_

_Or else I'll have to retire_

_Make the school board stop crying_

_Cuz I must do this till I die_

_The band really loves you_

_Though I'm not sure if it's really true_

_I know they once tried to put a bomb in your car_

_But remember I still love you_

_I ran out of practice today_

_Ran from the crappy clarinets_

_I ran away_

_Don't want to go back to that place_

_Or else they might riot and kill me"_

_"It's not easy being a band director in WW3_

_Never knowing what love you'll need you'll see_

_I don't want love to destroy me like it has done my marching band"_

_"Can we work it out_

_Can we be a marching band_

_Promise I won't have long practice hours_

_Jenny I'll do anything_

_Can we work it out_

_Can we be a marching band_

_Promise not to be OCD_

_Liter please don't leave"_

_"In the marching band year book picture_

_We look pretty happy_

_Let's play pretend like it_

_Comes as natural as plastic surgery_

_I don't won't to split the band for Fiesta Bowl_

_I don't want to get fired (though I should)_

_I don't want another band director, anyway_

_And I don't want to go to another school with a different name"_

_"Jenny, I'll be nicer_

_I'll be so much better_

_I'lllike theother band directors_

_I won't break the mic during practice_

_I'll be so much better_

_I won't run charts a billion times_

_I'll be Pennington's band director forever_

_Though it will probably just make you cry more"

* * *

_

A few of the OCD band kids began to arrive; meaning their involvement with the band had become a sick obsession. He sighed, for they would start bugging him, though he had been through this for over twenty years.

His heart was still breaking, not for Jenny now, but because he realized he would be missing a Sex and the City marathon on TBS.

* * *

Please reveiw. 


	5. You Are the Weakest Link, Goodbye

I have more reviews than I have chapters; I must go on.

* * *

Tad had just arrived, it was Jenny's chance. She had to break up with him, she had to end this love which was forbidden in marching band.

"Hey, Tad." She noticed he had just smoked his bong, so at least he was high. But if he was high, he could forget that she broke up with him, and then he might still think…

"Hey."

"We need to talk."

"Oh my God, you're pregnant."

"What the hell are you talking about; we've never gone on a date, let alone "do it'."

"Well, you know, you don't exactly have to go on a date to 'do it'." God, the marijuana must be really getting to him today.

"I have to break up with you."

"Why?" Tad loved her; he couldn't bear to lose her.

"I don't know."

"You don't know? You could at least find a reason to break up with me…"

"Wait, I do know; this forbidden love in marching band can't go on. It could destroy our chances of going to state, and then the guard girls would come to my houses in the late hours of the night…"

"Who cares about the marching band, we could go very far away, like, to Chicago."

"That's only an hour and a half away."

"No, it's more like two hours."

"Not if you are going 75 the whole time, and this conversation is beside the point. We're finished. You are the weakest link…"

"Jenny…"

"Goodbye."

She walked away, as if this forbidden love in marching band had never happened. Tad wanted to die, or far worse, subject himself to watching Gigli. Oh no, he's singing a marching band version of My Immortal.

* * *

_"I've so tired this band sucking_

_No longer suppressing my childish fears_

_If you have to leave_

_I wish Prancer would just leave_

_Because your presence still lingers here_

_And the band still sucks."_

_"The trombones aren't in tune_

_The mellos are not real (though I think it's just the pot)_

_There's just too much time cannot erase."_

_"When you dropped your flag, I picked it up for you_

_When he'd scream I tell the band to play in time_

_And I've held your hand for these past days_

_But you still have all of me."_

_"you use to captivate me_

_By your deadly saber routine_

_But I'm now bound by the show you left behind_

_Your face it haunts this show that really sucks_

_The flute soloist chased away the sanity in me."_

_"The trombones aren't in tune_

_The mellows are not real (though I think it's just the pot)_

_There's just too much time cannot erase."_

_"When you dropped your flag, I picked it up for you_

_When he'd scream I tell the band to play in time_

_And I've held your hand for these past days_

_But you still have all of me."_

_"I've tried so hard to tell myself we'll never win with Prancer_

_And though you've been with me_

_I've been obsessed with band all along."_

_"When you dropped your flag, I picked it up for you_

_When he'd scream I tell the band to play in time_

_And I've held your hand for these past days_

_But you still have all of me."_

_

* * *

_

"Get the hell to the baseball field, or are you part of the choir," one of the evil drill majors screamed. Ten hours to show time, ten hours to the show that could decide their destiny.

* * *

Please review. 


	6. I Know I Suck, Yet I Shouldn't Be an Alt...

Damn you all! I still have more reviews than chapters, so I must continue this train wreck about a forbidden love in marching band which I pity greatly. Since you all are forcing me to continue, may the LXG fans please read and review my fics; I suggest Mourning His Car if you like this story.

* * *

Practice had begun, it matched perfectly to Dante's description of hell. It rained, it snowed, then it rained some more. It was cold, so cold it that Mr. Karny's hands froze to the tower on his way down to yell at the tubas who were constantly out of step.

"Marching Band Gods, how dare you punish me like this on the day of regionals!" The marching band gods thought this was offensive, so they gave him a cold sore in retaliation.

"Damn you!" The marching band gods took this as further offense, and sent him hurdling into the air. Lucky for him, he landed on a group of preppy flutes. Sadly, he knocked the cross-dressing flute soloist, which caused Mr. Liter to scream "No" for hours on end. He stopped, eventually, when one of the directors promised to take him to Hooters.

"Hooters, I like the waitresses' hooters." Perverted little prick, wait, did I just say that out loud.

Though band practice sucked, it sucked even moiré for the alternates. They were forced to stand for hours on end, and were constantly yelled at for bringing the addition sign out at the wrong time (the theme, as stated earlier, or at least the evidence suggests, was math (though show was eventually called Zero to Infinity)).

One of the girls was named Yessica, a freshman flute who cried into the wee hours of the morning when she found out that she was a dreaded alternate.

"Murder me now, but not before I see fields of cotton candy and unicorns frolicking happily about." Frolicking isn't used enough, like cronies. Oh, God, no, please don't! As the author, I begged, but she wouldn't listen.

"I'm so depressed, I must sing a marching band rendition of Not A Girl, Not Yet a Women." La la la, I'm not listening.

* * *

_"I used to think_

_That marching band was fun_

_But now I know_

_That it is a cult_

_Feels like I'm caught in hell_

_That's when I realize."_

_"I suck at marching_

_Yet I shouldn't be an alternate_

_All I need is time_

_If I could only march in time_

_I'm not a failure_

_I suck at marching."_

_"There's no need to yell at me_

_It's time that I_

_Tell you to shove it up your ass_

_I have a life_

_Sorry that I don't live in your surreal life."_

_"I suck at marching_

_Yet I shouldn't be an alternate_

_All I need is time_

_If I could only march in time_

_I'm not a failure_

_I suck at marching."_

_"But if you look at me closely_

_You will see it in my eyes_

_A girl that's gonna graffiti your car."_

_"I suck at marching_

_Yet I shouldn't be an alternate_

_All I need is time_

_If I could only march at time_

_I'm not a failure_

_I suck at marching."_

_"I suck at marching_

_Don't scream at me from the tower._

_I'm trying to find the band geek in me, yeah_

_Oh, all I need is time_

_That's mine, if I could only march in time_

_I suck at marching_

_Yet I shouldn't be an alternate, no no_

_All I need is time_

_If I could only march in time_

_I suck at marching, ooh_

_Yet I shouldn't be an alternate."_

_

* * *

_

"Yessica, do you want us to succeed or not, so you better start hitting those yard lines when you're suppose to." What a dumb ass.

"I'm not even marching."

"Sorry, Samantha Watson, start hitting those…"

As Prancer screamed at the poor Samantha Watson, Tad was depressed, Jenny was depressed, the voices in Bubba's head were depressed.

"This is depressing," one personality screamed.

"No it isn't, watching Alexander is more depressing," yelled another one.

"Shut up, all of you; my brain hurts!"

"Oh fine, you silly goose," screamed the feminine one.

* * *

This was random, but I don't care. Please review anyway, yet I will always update when thee are more reviews than chapters (I shun you from my circle still!). 


	7. After Party at Hooters

You have all been shunned from my circle, but please **read and review** anyway.

* * *

Practice ended, they enjoyed a pasta lunch that tasted horrible, Southern and Corey screwed around in the janitor closet, they took the three hour bus drive to Indianapolis, blah, blah, got second place at Regionals, more boring crap, and celebrated the fact that they would be going to State. The band directors went yah, but the marching band members went boo. Sad to say, the suicide rate in the band would sky high, though there were always enough clarinets to fill any space. 

"We must up rise and un-throne the clarinets," a mello screamed, but that is yet another story that the muses are trying to make write (please, tell them to stop poking me with sharp objects!).

As promised, Karny was at Hooters celebrating, and the other band directors came along so they could get drunk with real alcohol and try to score with waitresses out of their league (though in the Mid-West, those chicks at Hooters will screw anyone at the flip of a dime (if it lands heads up, of course)). Jenny did not try to screw a waitress, for none of them could fulfill her lesbian desires. Dude, that is freaking sick, though I have no problems with gays.

"Make her have a three-way," some idiot named Steve screams. I will not, for I do not want to make this a R rated fic, though it would probably be fun. At the other side of the room, when not smoking his tuba bong or trying to figure out if Southern's were fake or not, Tad couldn't help but think of Jenny.

"I love you so much. Sometimes, I fantasize about you licking milk duds off my chest and…"

"For the love of God, where the hell were you earlier when I was giving the spiel about this not going to the R rated section? Why don't you just walk over there right now?" Tad got up and left, for he figured that at least he could get laid over there. "You'll be back," I screamed, "you good for nothing bastard."

"Samantha Rose Watson, are you using language under my roof." Damn it, must stop saying what I am writing.

"Young lady!" I must whisper now. Any hoo, Karny, believe it or not, got drunk and started performing scenes from the movie Coyote Ugly. Sadly, I have never seen that movie, so I can only give descriptions of his marching band rendition of "Trapped in a Box."

"Sheltered," my friend screams across the room.

"Whore," I yell back.

"Thank you," she replies. Enough of this nonsense; let the mindless droaning begin, like it hasn't begun before.

* * *

_"Trapped in a tower of tremendous size_

_Far from the ground, closes my eyes_

_I hear the band, the sound pollutes all the skies_

_Marching band sucks up our lives and proliferates lives_

_Trapped in a tower."_

_"Trapped in a tower, falling could make you die_

_The mic stops working so I could get fired_

_My mind rides and slides as we get out of time_

_No room for thought, I wish the alternates would die_

_Trapped in a tower."_

_"Trapped in a tower_

_Watch the trombones fall down_

_To life's paradox_

_We're all trapped in the tower."_

_"Trapped in a tower, there's too many directors up here_

_I've heard horror stories of the tower crashing to the ground_

_Every time it creaks, I cling for survival_

_But when it falls I want Prancer to die_

_Trapped in a tower."_

_"Always wanting a different form_

_Instant gratification for you_

_Reality gone when we randomly start singing_

_I just hope that it stops pretty quick."_

_"Trapped in a tower by life becomes void_

_All I though for the band is now destroyed_

_It's controlling my mind, when to breathe, what step size_

_Subliminal rules: when to live, when to march_

_Trapped in a tower."_

_"Trapped in a tower_

_Watch the trombones fall down_

_To life's paradox_

_We're all trapped in the tower."_

_

* * *

_

He abruptly stopped, for in his drunken madness, he fell off the bar and into the hooters of a gay waiter. Sadly, he was too drunk to know that the waiter was gay, and found himself sexually confused in the morning.

Jenny and Tad found that they had a three way in the morning, which didn't help the forbidden love in marching band, but just made the forbidden love in marching band worse.

To the band's dismay, Prancer did not die when he was attacked by a troupe of raccoons. The police, to this moment, have been trying to find out if this was a paid job, though one of the raccoons keeps saying, "Do you know what I am?" when asked any question that could possibly help the investigation.

* * *

I see Flight of the Phoenix tomorrow, yah! 


	8. Homicide is Painless, Right?

Sorry that it has taken so long, but I'm afraid I had a bit of writers block. The Patriots are so gonna win the Super Bowl, but I just watch for the commercials (they're showing movie previews for Sin City, Fantastic Four, and The War of the Worlds). Anyway, back to poking fun at marching band.

* * *

**Disclaimer:** You know it already, but I must revise it or I'll get sued and they'll come in the middle of the night…I own nothing, most names have been changed, and those who aren't are used with permission, though they threaten to sue anyway (damn the voices in my head!). Just joking, no one has tried to sue me yet (wink!).

* * *

Oh, and before I start, Flight of the Phoenix rocked…though Tony Curran's character died because that one idiot screamed, "Hey! That's my watch!" Seriously, Tony dies in every movie he is in, or he is invisible.

* * *

Practice hours were extended; teachers gave amounts of homework that made Dante's Inferno look like Candy Land with pretty ponies happily frolicking about. The sick, twisted obsession with marching band had taken full control of the band directors; their personal lives were taking the worst of it.

Southern had been so obsessed with making the band sound good that he was pushing Corey away. Corey was quite the queen about the whole ordeal, though he had to admit that he was obsessed about making the drum line sound good, too.

"Oh, I was such a silly goose over the whole thing. After we made up, Southern was such a sweetie and took me to Alexander. I swear, I could look at Greek men all day…too bad Southern isn't one."

"What, do I have to suddenly be Greek to satisfy you!" While the argument raged on, and while their clothes magically turned into togas, a much serious problem was on hand. The guard was horrendous, crappy, below par, shunned from the circle of acceptable; you get the idea. A clarinet player was tragically beheaded by an upperclassman's saber; many mello players didn't make it through the practice.

"The initials of our section may be PMS, but we will not fade into the night and die and be forgotten…" Oops, another one got it's head chopped off.

"Franz Shah-la-la, why has happened to the guard girls! They were wonderful, now they suck; would you like some butter on your popcorn?"

"Hey, I got some liquid for your popcorn, and it's non-dairy, too."

"Betty," I scream, "this isn't a Kung Pow fic, isn't my fault no one writes stories about you guys." It's a great movie, but Moshu-Fasa and the Chosen One signed up to be on the surreal life. Poor, poor toungy.

Jenny couldn't respond, for she forgot all German words that translated to grief, distraught, forgetting to take Midol…

"Franz Shah-la-la is having her…" The nosy trumpet player never finished, for Jenny's twelve gauge never misses, you could say.

Tad was pretty much the same, though a little worse. In his hand he held some discarded guard tape; he was going to use it to kill Prancer in the tower.

"Tad, no!" Karny yelled while running in slow motion. He was also in a swim suit, and the ocean breeze blew through his beach blonde hair. Oh, great, he's singing the marching band rendition of "Suicide is Painless," the theme song form MASH.

* * *

_Through really, really freezing rain_

_The urge to kill but have to play_

_Freedom lost but hell to pay_

_I realize and I can see_

_That homicide is painless_

_It brings many step size changes_

_And I can take or leave it if I please_

_Try to find a way to make_

_All our dynamics coordinate_

_Without that out of tune debate_

_But now I know that it's too late_

_And_

_That homicide is painless_

_It brings many step size changes_

_And I can take or leave it if I please_

_The game of marching band is hard to play_

_We'll lose state anyway_

_So this is all I have to play_

_That_

_That homicide is painless_

_It brings many step size changes_

_And I can take or leave it if I please_

_The only way to win is cheat_

_And I'll die before the cops will come_

_And to another here's a milk dud_

_But then I'll cry like a little twit_

_'Cause_

_That homicide is painless_

_It brings many step size changes_

_And I can or leave it if I please_

_The sword of time will make the judges cringe_

_The show doesn't hurt when it begins_

_But as we get to the movement called Geometry_

_The pain grows stronger, watch it grin_

_For_

_That homicide is painless_

_It brings many step size changes_

_And I can take or leave it if I please_

_An ignorant trombone asked me once_

_To answer questions that are key_

_Is it to be or not to be_

_And I replied; "Oh, why ask me?"_

_'Cause_

_That homicide is painless_

_It brings many step size changes_

_And I can take or leave it if I please_

_And you can kill him if you please_

_

* * *

_

"So I can kill him?"

"Sure, but you can deal with the band groupies and the school board." The school board adored, even worshipped Prancer. Every night before bed, they would bow down to their bedside Prancer shrine.

"Second thought, maybe I shouldn't. But he is the reason why Jenny no longer loves me."

"You mustn't believe that Jenny doesn't love you; there must be a reason."

* * *

**Please review** though this was really random. 


	9. I'm A Guard Girl With Mental Problems

Hello my fellow band mates, and do not worry, for if this sucks, there is always the rat poison stashed under your computer. Sadly, this one of the last chapters, for every horrible story has to come to an end, or else the government will never stop chasing me (damn green party people: who knew that you weren't suppose to dump radioactive stuff in the river?). Here it is, let the train wreck commence.

* * *

There was no more time to prepare, no more time to practice. After a three hour rehearsal in the rain/snow/sleet/freezing rain/bird poo, after a four hour bus drive to Indianapolis, they had finally arrived at State competition. Since at this point, the band directors were about to kill the OCD band kids, the directors rode in separate cars. Southern rode with Corey (no pun intended), and Tad rode with Karny. He wanted so badly to ride with Jenny, but she was forced to ride with Liter.

"If Liter catches you with Jenny," Prancer warned, "you will be forced to ride with the OCD band kids." Nobody in their right minds would ride with the OCD band kids, even if their lives depended on it, so Tad had no choice.

As soon as they arrived, for as the ritual goes, they were forced to wait in the parking lot for two hours. Then, to make matters worse, the band booster/groupies forced the band members to drink gigantic bottles of water, which caused many a accident during the show (poor Jessica Yenny).

As soon as they got onto the field, the knew that they had no chance in hell to get number one, considering that many people were holding up signs that said, "Pennington Has No Chance in Hell to Get Number 1!" So much for the support, but they didn't let that shake them down.

Karny started singing at the top of his lungs "Eye of the Tiger" and was sharing every inspirational moment in the Disney movie Miracle that he could think of.

"They puked, they got injured, but they beat the most unstoppable team in the world; Portugal..."

* * *

**Author's Note:** Though I haven't seen the Disney movie Miracle, even I know that they beat Russia, not Portugal. I would usually scream out random obscenities and things of that nature, but State Finals have that effect on some people.

* * *

"I know Jenny still loves me, she must."

"Did she find out about your cross-dressing habits?"

"Karny, that only happened once, and I was totally trashed."

"Yeah, like we all are gonna take your word for it."

It was pathetic when the Pennington Marching Band marched out onto Colts Stadium, for they were already out of step and falling down. They even had trouble putting the slippery tarp over the stupid Colts helmet painted on the turf.

The chaos suddenly stopped, the lights dimmed, the show was about to begin. Though it was very un-orthodox, Jenny was in the show. While marching out to the field, she stepped on a discarded flag pole, and got a splinter in her foot.

"Damn it; anyone have some neosporin or some other type of anti-bacterial cream," she yelled out in garbled German. Nobody had any; it would later cost her life.

The show now finally began with her singing the marching band rendition of Genie in a Bottle.

* * *

_I feel like I've locked up tight_

_For a century of lonely shows_

_Waiting for someone to get the step size right_

_You're tooting your horn and marching my way_

_But that don't mean I'll cover down today_

_Baby, baby, baby_

_Oh oh oh oh oh (The drill major gives the tempo)_

_Oh oh oh oh oh (But my heart is sayin no, no)_

_If you want to march with me baby you got to cover down to me_

_I'm a guard girl with mental problems_

_You got to not march into me_

_If you want to march with me_

_I can make the show be cool_

_I gotta like what you do_

_You gotta make a big impression_

_If you want to march with me_

_The music is awesome and the props are cool_

_Just one more movement and we're good to go_

_Waitin' for someone to hit me with a trombone_

_Clarinets are falling at the speed of light but that don't mean we're gonna lose tonight_

_Baby, baby, baby_

_If you want to march with me baby you got to cover down to me_

_I'm a guard girl with mental problems_

_You got to not march into me_

_If you want to march with me_

_I can make the show be cool_

_Just come and set me free baby and cover down to me

* * *

_

Even before it began, the show was over. The crowd went wild, though during the course of the show about fifteen billion band members had screwed up.

Jenny was proud of herself, but then suddenly felt a little under the weather.

"You can be under the weather?"

I can't believe the people who make me work with these idiots.

* * *

**Please review**, and let me know that people are actually reading this crap. 


	10. Should Of Had Some Neosporin

I swear to God, this is the last chapter, so deal with it.

* * *

As they exited the field, around three hundred students (mostly containing the ridiculous fat tubas) passed out. To this day, there is a memorial to honor those fallen fat people.

Okay, that was absolutely random and worthless, so...

"Let's go to Hooters!" yelled Karny.

"No, no, no; we will not, for this is the last chapter and I don't feel like writing about you ridiculous people any longer.

"Is somebody gonna die?"

"Liter, do you want to die?" I scream at him, causing him to soil himself.

Breathe, breathe, alright, I am back, and let the story continue.

* * *

As I said, they had exited the field, and prayed that they got a good score.

"Southern," Corey inquired, "even if we don't win and end up getting fired by Liter, will you go to Gay Prom with me?"

"Oh, you silly goose, of course I'll go!" They ran to the bathroom together, and, I'm not even going into that for I don't feel like upping the rating a bit.

Oh, and about Liter soiling himself earlier; let's just say he had to resign out of disgrace because the OCD band kids starting laughing again. And as they say in that one Quentin Tarantino movie, "The lioness is rejoined with her cub, peace is restored to the jungle."

That might not be exactly right, but who really cares in these times?

Anyway, everyone was happy and pretty confident that they got a good score. No one could think of something that could spoil the mood, well, I definitely could.

* * *

**1.** The sport of marching band could turn out to be a ploy for communists to infiltrate and destroy American culture, causing special ops teams to kill everyone in Colts stadium for the sake of national security.

**2.**As the awards ceremony starts, Ashton Kutcher could suddenly appear and yell out, "You've been punk'd!"

**3.**Air pressure in the stadium could go, causing the ceiling to fall and kill everybody.

**4.**Prancer could be found connected to the Michael Jackson case (as a victim, if you could believe).

**5.** Someone could die a horrid death, causing that person's lover to sing the marching band rendition of "My Heart Will Go On", and none of that would of happened if somebody would of put antibacterial ointment or Neosporin on their splinter, preventing lethal blood poisoning.

* * *

So which one is it? Stay tuned, for it will be revealed after this commercial brake.

* * *

"Come to Sweden and maybe I'll braid your hair?"

* * *

That was the commercial break, and sadly, without further ado, with further hesitation, without further wait...without further dot thingys...damn it, I said no more dot thingys! On, that's much better. Number five, as in 5., is the answer.

Jenny suddenly started to cough, and cough, and it wouldn't stop to the point that even hitting her with a sledge hammer wouldn't make it stop.

"Jenny, my love," Tad cried, "why didn't you tell me that you had consumption or things of that nature?"

"I don't have consumption, I have..."

"What?"

"I have..."

"Tell me."

"Shut up and let me be dramatic!" Well, I guess someone had PMS, if you know what I mean (what do I mean?). "I got blood poisoning form a splinter, which in turn, is giving me consumption like symptoms."

"Is that even logical."

"Tad, I'm dying a horrible death, and all you can worry about is if it's a logical one or not? You bastard, you heartless, miserable bastard!" She started to cough some more, and quite frankly, it is getting rather annoying.

"Tad, are you still there?"

"What, are you blind too now?"

"I want Karny now, you heartless, miserable bastard. You don't deserve to know my last will and testament. Hell, as far as you know, I might know the winning Powerball numbers."

"Jenny, I'm sorry..."

"Good, for Hell will freeze over before I know the winning Powerball numbers."

* * *

**In Hell:**

"Hey, boss?" asks Hitler.

"What?" replies the devil.

"It's like, really cold down here."

* * *

"Jenny, please don't die, for I'm only a virgin in the ways of ways of watching Sex and the City along with Desperate Housewives."

"Tad..."

"Yes, I'm here to hear your last will and testament."

"Tad...I just saved a lot of money on my car insurance." Before Tad could gasp at this move of stupidity, she keeled over, expired, was now legally decease. He cried and cried, until one of the trombone players hit him on the side of the head with his trombone.

"Comrade, we got eighth place!" Tad wouldn't listen, for he had last his beloved Jenny, and thus, he began to sing, the marching band rendition of "My Heart Will Go On."

* * *

_Everyday at band camp I see you, I feel you,_

_That is how I now you march on._

_Far across the formations and step sizes between us,_

_You have come to show you march on._

_Near, far, wherever you are,_

_I believe that marching band goes on._

_Once more, you go a step size 4_

_And you're here in my heart,_

_And the marching band show will go on and on._

_Winning State can touch us one time but last for a lifetime,_

_And never let go till the school shuts down._

_Marching was when I marched with you, one true time, I hold to._

_In my life we'll always march on._

_Near, far, wherever you are,_

_I believe the marching band goes on._

_Once more, you go a step size 4_

_And you're here in my heart,_

_And the marching band show will go on and on._

_You're here, there's nothing I fear,_

_And I now that marching band will go on._

_We'll stay forever this way._

_You are safe in my heart._

_And marching band will go on and on.

* * *

_

As all of the bands left, and Tad held Jenny, Karny found his way to the roof of the stadiuma nd began to sing.

* * *

_There was a director,_

_A very strange and special director._

_They say he talked of many dynamics,_

_Loud and soft,_

_This he said to me._

_The greatest thing,_

_You'll ever learn._

_Is to play loud and beautiful,_

_And to hear loud and beautiful things, too.

* * *

_

At this point, the Indianapolis police pulled him off the roof in fear that it was a suicide attempt.

* * *

Yeah, all of marching band stories and finished, and this is the last, for I will never do it again. Goodbye, suckers! 


End file.
